I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Every time I create something I think about this. I think it’s because, even though I’ve done a lot of creative work, I still feel like I’m working my way across the gap. I feel a bit like Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade when he has to take the leap of faith. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFntFdEGgws for reference) I am shimmying across a bridge I can’t see, but which is very real, very strong, and very narrow. As long as I keep working and trusting in my own taste, I will make it across. Occasionally though I stop, and when I take the next step my foot slips off the side a bit and I feel like I’m going to fall. I feel like it’s time to quit and to resign myself to never being good enough to satisfy my own tastes. Thankfully most of the time I’ve come to my senses and, thought discouraged, have carried on.
I guess more accurately I sort of feel like a multitude of Indiana Jones clones, each at a different part of the leap of faith. A lot of them are waiting on the ledge, looking down to certain death. Some have put their foot out, and have almost resigned themselves to taking the step. The writer in me has inched a few feet out, but has stopped to catch his breath a bit. The photographer in me is a little farther a long, but has fallen off and is hanging on the narrow, invisible bridge by his fingertips. The musician in me is the farthest along, and right now he’s take sure steps in the right direction.
The important difference between Indy and myself is he could see the other side of the chasm, and I cannot. I have no idea how far along I am or how far I have to go. It’s like I’m wearing a blindfold. Sometimes I get the impression I’m getting very close, but I’m never quite sure. I guess some day I’ll be sitting around working on something creative and go “hey I really like this, this doesn’t feel lacking something.” Then I’ll know I’ve crossed the gap. For now, I’ve got more work to do.
– B
Extant Musings 